i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
