I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Randomize
