Already got asked if we're dating
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Quick, to the slutcave!
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
