i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
