You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
