sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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