PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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