forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
All I want is dick and wine.
Randomize
