I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
