My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
