if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
