but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
