I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
