So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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