I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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