when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
