And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
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I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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