I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize
