She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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