and she was petting her beer can
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
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I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
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I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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