She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
