she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
