I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
