I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
