It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
