u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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