i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
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