you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
