i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
