her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
