I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
