I need help removing her.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
