so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize