she looked like the bat from fern gully.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
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