ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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