she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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