Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
