Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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