Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
