all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Randomize
