I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
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