I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
