Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
We are two peas in an std pod
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
