can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize