she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
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I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
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he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?