I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
20+ Kids Who Probably Didn’t Mean To Draw Hardcore Porn
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
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