If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.