By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Ladies don't puke and tell
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
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