problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
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