I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
