did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Do vagina's smell?
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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