update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
