Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
