I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
