last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
