i already hear my dad disowning me
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
