what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
