based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
