Ha. No worries! So loud here &god I love drag queens! How does it happen, the congealing?
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
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So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
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I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
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