brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
