I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
