I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
