waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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