It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
