Pass out mid-funnel last night.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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