just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
