Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Randomize
