I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
