New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
