Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
