Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Randomize
