There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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