Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
