Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
