whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
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